Samantha and Tom Right Before Graduation

On the third day of exams, Tom ate lunch alone and was walking back to his dorm afterwards. His path home took him past the Theta house, where Nancy lived. He liked Nancy a lot an missed her sometimes but hadn’t been out with her since he'd started dating Alice May. As he walked past the Theta house, someone was parallel parking a big Mercedes across the street. He glanced over and got a flash of flying long hair that disappeared, as though someone had quickly ducked out of sight. He paused and watched for a few seconds but the head did not reappear, although the engine was still running on the car. It sounded like a diesel. He thought about going to check it out, but if she didn’t want to be seen, maybe he shouldn’t. He walked a few steps towards home, then decided something might be wrong with the woman in the car and turned back. He approached tentatively and slowly, on the sidewalk. When he got close he could see a woman lying down across the passenger seat, hard to make out through the glare on the windshield, but she had her arm over her head hiding her face. Was she hiding or in distress? He approached quietly, watched her for a few seconds, then knocked softly on the window glass. “You all right in there?” he called out. The woman inside moved her arm aside, exposing her face, and looked up, chagrined. “Hi, baby,” Samantha mouthed, sheepishly, sitting up. “Samantha! Sweetheart! What a surprise! How in the world are you?” he asked, through the glass. “I’m fine,” she said, softly. Well, at least he didn’t seem mad. “How are you?” He still looked good. He’d been working out or something. He looked really good. Shoulders and all. Goodness. Why did I break up with him? “I’m sorry, honey, I can’t hear you,” Tom said, loudly enough to be heard inside the car. She’d seen him walking down the street while she was parking her car, well, her father’s car, and felt that awful sinking feeling and didn’t know what to do, so she hid. She’d daydreamed about making up with him every day since they broke up and today as soon as she drove onto campus everything she saw reminded her of Tom and now here he was and she was paralyzed. “I’m fine,” she said, more loudly. He laughed. He was so cute when he laughed. “What?” she asked. Why was he laughing? “Sweetheart, roll down the window. Or better yet, get out of the car. I won’t bite you. I promise,” he said. She nodded, turned off the ignition, and got out. She came over and stood next to him on the sidewalk and looked up tentatively, worried. Here he was. Mercy. Had he always been this tall? She’d never wanted to break up with him and dammit all here he was wondering what she was thinking, his hands hovering in the air wondering whether it was okay for him to touch her and so she was worried but she stepped one little step closer to him and he relaxed his arms around her, gathering her in and she laid her head on his shoulder and put her arms around him and this was just where she wanted to be, oh, mercy, and they both relaxed and remembered what it felt like to be together and she let her arms squeeze him a little and why in the Hell did it never feel like this when Hank put his arms around her and oh damn oh damn oh damn where are we now? They stood like that on the sidewalk for several minutes. Both of them had their eyes closed so they didn’t notice people walking by and smiling. The longer they stood there together the more Tom remembered the way she smelled. Goodness. It was so nice to be there for a minute. Such a perfect girl. Absolute perfection. What the Hell are we going to do now? both of them thought, and pulled back to look at each other. “I thought…” he started, looking into her eyes. “No, it didn’t,” she said, shaking her head and laying it back down on his shoulder. He had no idea what that meant, but here was Samantha, in his arms. “Baby, baby, baby,” she said. Inappropriate as it might be under the circumstances, Tom felt himself becoming aroused from this close contact with this wonderful girl. “So…” he said. “I’m sorry for hiding from you, baby,” she said. “I’ve missed you so much, and I know what I did was… well, I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me, and if you didn’t, that would be so terrible. And embarrassing. For you, too, I mean.” “You thought all of that through?” he asked. “Yes. Maybe. I don’t know,” she said. They still had their arms around each other, which should have been beginning to feel a little awkward, since neither of them knew where they were with each other, friendship-wise, but didn’t. “Can I buy you a cup of coffee, or a Coke, or something?” Then Tom remembered that he was dating Alice and they were going steady and he had been enjoying having a girlfriend, but come on, this was Samantha. “Baby,” she said. “Sweetheart,” he answered. They looked at each other for a full minute. “I shouldn’t have… Oh, dammit,” she said. They were quiet again for a lot of seconds, her head back on his shoulder. “How’s your dad?” he asked. “He’s sick.” “Bad?” “Yes, sweetie. A year left, tops,” she said, and wanted to cry. Involuntarily and unconsciously, she held him tighter, for comfort. “I’m so sorry,” he said. She nodded and closed her eyes again. What to do? What to do? What to do? “How’s architecture school?” he asked. “Oh! I like that a lot!” she said. “Good,” he said. They swayed back and forth a little, arms still around each other. The notion that this was in any way awkward was hard to reconcile with what was going on. She found herself remembering being alone with him at night. Heavens, that had been fun. Stop. “Baby,” she said. “Sweetheart,” he answered. It was as though that exchange was a complete conversation. They stood there for another minute. “Baby, I’d like to catch up, but I kind of have something I have to do right now,” she said. “Okay.” “My old roommate has something she wants to talk about. A man problem, and she’s about to leave for home. I kinda need to go talk to her.” “Okay.” “But I really want to catch up with you,” she said. “I would like that.” “So how’s about I go talk to Nancy before she drives off to Louisville and then we meet somewhere in like an hour?” Unseen, Tom frowned. Nancy from Louisville? Uh-oh. “Nancy from Louisville?” he asked. “Yeah. Nancy Corcoran. I told her I’d be here in fifteen minutes thirty-five minutes ago.” Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn, oh damn, but she was looking at him in a way and tilting her head back and so he kissed her on the lips and she closed her eyes and made this sound. “Oh, honey,” he said, after. “Yeah. Me, too.” “So you really need to go talk to Nancy?” he asked. “Yes. Where do you live now?” “620 Carmichael West. The last one on the left.” “I’ll be there as fast as I can.” “I’ll be waiting.” “There’s a lot going on and I don’t know how it works out,” she said. “And how,” Tom said. “I hear you have a tall girlfriend,” Samantha said. “And you’re still wearing an engagement ring.” “Let me go talk to Nancy. I’m not sure where all of this goes but I told her to wait before she drives back so I have to go talk to her but I really want to talk to you after so I’ll run over as soon as I can. Did you start working out a lot?” “Sort of.” “You’re, um…” she started, then twiddled her fingers. “So, you’re coming over to see me after you talk to Nancy?” he asked. “Wait. You know Nancy?” “We’re friends, yes.” “What kind of friends?” she asked, frowning. “We go to movies and basketball games sometimes. Kevin’s at Yale, so she never has a date.” Samantha frowned some more and cocked an eyebrow. “Baby.” “Yes, ma’am?” “What have you been up to?” “I have a girlfriend. I have for months.” “I heard. A rich Tri-Delt nobody likes.” “Well, that’s what I’ve been up to. Who doesn’t like her?” Samantha squinted at him. “I have to go talk to Nancy. Did you screw everything up?” “How?” “Nancy was supposed to be my maid of honor.” “When you marry Hank?” She smacked him lightly on the side of his head. “Baby,” she said. “What are we doing here?” he asked. “Talking about Nancy. How many basketball games and movies?” “Some.” “Baby.” “You weren’t here.” “Dammit, baby!” “You dumped me. Told me to date other girls.” “Not my best friend!” “How was I supposed to know that? You never even showed me your dorm room, much less introduce me to your friends.” She swatted at him again to express her disapproval but laid her head back down on his shoulder. She thought for a few minutes. “You go back to your room and sit there,” she said. “Don’t grab any more girlfriends. I’m going to go talk to Nancy then I’m going to come to your dorm room and …. well, you have some explaining to do. You go back to Carmichael and don’t move. Is your girlfriend still on campus?” “You mean Alice?” “The tall girl from Cincinnati, whatever her name is.” “Yes.” “Are you going to want to introduce us?” Samantha asked. “What, introduce you to Alice May?” “You’re kidding,” Samantha said. “About what?” “Her name is Alice May?” “Yes.” “That’s the name of the boat in that poem you recite. The crematorium,” Samantha said. “Wow. Good recall.” “I bought that book, what with one thing and another, but we’re straying from the point. Do you want to introduce me to girlfriend or not?” “Why do you ask?” “Because I want to know,” she said, matter of factly. “I’m thinking that through and thinking it would be pretty weird.” “You think about that while I go fuss at Nancy.” “Fuss?” “Yes, baby, I see what happened. She talked you into sneaking off to canoodle some and now Kevin doesn’t hold up.” “I, I, um. How did … Wait. What?” “So you’re busted. You go back to your dorm room and keep your hands to yourself.” “Um, okay.” She kissed his cheek. “Just so you know, I’m going to forgive you.” “Thanks.” “Shoo. I’ll be over in a minute.” “How do you, I mean, what tipped you…” “You stick with me, baby. I’ll tell you what’s what. Now go on.” Tom, a bit dazed and not sure what had just happened, returned to his dorm. When he got on the elevator to go to his floor, Laurie from the suite next door to his ran in behind him. “Hello, Parsifal, how goes it?” she asked, cheerfully. She pressed the button for the sixth floor then turned towards him. He was staring blankly “You look confused,” she said. “Um, yeah. I just ran into an old friend. Did you know Samantha Hale?” “Of course, Tommy. We’re sorority sisters.” “Right. I forgot. Well, I just ran into her over by your sorority house.” “Wow. How was that?” There had been a lot of stories about Tom and Samantha. “Confusing,” Tom said, as the elevator reached their floor. “Poor Tom. The old flame still burns?” They stepped off the elevator and she looked at him speculatively. “Gosh, um. I’m not sure where to go with this conversation,” he said. He had promised Samantha at the time that he’d keep their romance secret, and now he was on the verge of betraying that confidence, wasn’t he? “I know you won’t admit it, but we all know about that, Tommy. Anyway, what’s up with Sam?” “She said she was going to talk to Nancy Corcoran about … something.” “Lord, have mercy. I’d like to be a fly on the wall for that conversation,” Laurie said, laughing. “What?” “You’re funny when you’re befuddled. Did you know they were roommates?” He had to think about everything he said before he said it to make sure he wasn’t spilling a secret. “No. Before today, I did not know that Samantha and Nancy had been roommates.” “You poor thing. Are you gonna see Samantha again?” “I think so, yes. She said she’d come by here after she spoke with Nancy,” he said, carefully. “Well, tell her I said hi. Come to think of it, if you need privacy, you might want to have that conversation in my room. Feel free to come by if you want to.” They were still standing in the hall in front of the elevators. “Um, why?” “Well, I don’t know what you and Sam are up to now, but what if Alice comes by while you’re up to it?” “Yes. What, indeed?” Tom frowned, then looked at the floor. Laurie watched Tom fret for a few seconds. “Come on, Tommy,” Laurie said, and, grabbing his arm, led Tom to his own room. She opened the cabinet where he kept the whiskey and glasses and poured two shots. They each picked one up. “Skol,” she said, clinking glasses. They drank back their shots. She closed her eyes and shook a bit from the fiery sensation as it went down, then poured another shot for Tom. “Drink up.” He did, and she re-filled his glass. “Here’s the lay of the land, Tommie boy. Samantha was miserable after she broke it off with you. She only did it because her father was about to die and she didn’t want to upset him by unloading that idiot Hank, who has done nothing but get dumber down at Alabama. So you need to patch it up with Sam, drop Alice, get Sam to dump Hank, and you guys go get married.” “Heavens.” “You know I’m right,” Laurie said. “Do I?” “You do. Sit and have another shot.” He poured some more bourbon and sat on the desk chair. She sat on the corner of her bed and looked at her watch. “I have to go. What are you going to do?” “Stay here and wait for Samantha.” “Good plan. Tall Cincinnati isn’t right for you.” “She’s been very nice to me,” Tom said. “I really like having a girlfriend.” “I know. Mark can hear you two through the wall and tells me all about it.” “Heavens.” “You may be laboring under the misconception that you have some secrets,” Laurie said. “Perhaps so.” “You don’t. You live in a fishbowl.” “I am not sure what to say.” “I have a meeting. You stay put, Parsifal. Talk Sam into dumping Hank and your wayward wandering days will be over.” “How did my life become so … transparent?” Tom asked. “It’s not just you ad your life. The only way to not be watched around here is to not do anything interesting. Now I have to go. Bye.” She stood suddenly and left. Okay. He poured another drink and stared at the wall contemplatively. Mark passed by in the and passed when he saw Tom. “Kinda early, isn’t it?” Mark asked, looking at the whiskey glass. “Laurie made me.” “As long as you have a good reason.” “I bumped into an old friend this afternoon and Laurie wants me to do something about it,” Tom said. “Who’s the friend?” “Samantha Hale.” “That’s her!” Mark exclaimed. “That’s who?” “Eve told me you fell in love with her really hard. When you were so upset for so long last year.” “Eve told you this?” Tom asked. “Right. But I forgot her name because I was high when she told me and then she wouldn’t tell me again because she was afraid I’d tell Melanie.” “Would you?” “Would I what?” “Would you tell Melanie if it turned out to be true that Samantha and I dated for a while?” Mark shrugged. “Not without a really good reason,” Mark said. “Like what?” Mark thought. “If I thought I might get a blowjob out of it, I would. Melanie flirts a lot but doesn’t really come across. With something like that, she might feel friendly.” “Got it.” “Probably not, though. I may be primarily a weed connection for her.” “You spend a lot of time together. She seems to like you,” Tom said. “Are you going to offer me a drink?” “Sure. Help yourself.” “Thanks. What does Laurie want you to do about Samantha Hale?” Mark poured a drink and sat on Tom’s bed. “She thinks I should talk Samantha into dumping her fiancee and then marry her.” “Wow.” Mark took a sip of his drink. “This is good.” “Thanks.” “Where are things with Alice May?” Mark asked. “We’re going steady.” “I thought so, but she hasn’t been around for a few days.” “She’s nervous about exams. She won’t see me until her tests are over because we distract each other,” Tom said. “Gotcha. When are her exams over?” “Soon. Tomorrow, I think.” “So Laurie thinks you should dump Alice and take up with Samantha?” Mark asked, sipping from his glass. “Yes. Laurie doesn’t like Alice, for some reason.” “Neither does Minnie,” Mark said. “Really?” “No. Minnie calls her tedious. Nancy calls her ‘that air-head from Cincinnati.’ Eve calls her ‘Tom’s Girl Scout.’” “Alice is perfectly charming. What do all these people have against Alice?” “She’s kinda catty. When you’re around she’s always fawning over you. When you’re gone the ‘I’m a rich girl and you’re not’ thing comes out pretty strong.” “She doesn’t fawn over me.” “Oh, yes she does. Totally.” “Why would Alice fawn over me?” “I don’t know. I guess because she wants you to think she likes you,” Mark said. “She does like me.” “Well, yeah, sure.” “No, really,” Tm insisted. “Yeah, I know.” “Fawning?” Tom asked. “Absolutely.” “Why hasn’t anyone mentioned any of this to me before?” “I dunno. You seem to be enjoying yourself. I mean, you two seem to be having sex pretty much non-stop. Hard to argue with that. I’d put up with some fawning, too, if it got me as much as she’s been giving you,” Mark said. “What do you mean by fawning, anyway?” “She doesn’t pay attention to anyone else in the room when you’re around. Always flattering and complimenting you. You know.” “No, I don’t,” That m said. “She came by last week and you weren’t home yet. I was telling her the story about the curtain calls from Richard II…” “That’s a good story,” Tom said. “Thank you And I’d just gotten to the part were we came on and nobody was clapping, then you walked in and she just hopped up as if I wasn’t in the middle of a story and skipped over to you as though I hadn’t said a word, then walked you off to your room without even saying goodbye.” “Yeah, well,” Tom said. “Can I have some more of this stuff?” Mark asked, after finishing his drink. “Sure.” “It feels slightly decadent to be drinking before lunch,” he said. “You haven’t had lunch?” Tom asked. “No.” “You lush.” “You have?” “Yes, of course. Unlike you, I understand the rules of human decorum.” “It’s kind of fun, getting buzzed on an empty stomach with nothing to do. So what are you going to do?” “I don’t think I’m going to do anything. Samantha’s still engaged, I’m dating Alice May. We graduate in a week. Trying to dramatically reshuffle all of this just doesn’t make a lot of sense.” “Yeah, Laurie really likes opera,” Mark said. “What’s that got to do with anything?” Tom asked. “She likes all those big plots where people go insane for love, or commit murders, or go into slavery and stuff. She really likes drama. So she’ll be advising you to do something that would cause a spectacle. Be careful about following her advice. One night when Preston and Melanie were having this drunken argument Laurie was trying to get Minnie to help her score it, like a tennis match.” “And you watched all this?” Tom asked. “Of course,” Mark answered, sipping his drink. “Why? That would drive me nuts.” “Well, if Preston had broken up with her, Melanie might need me to console her.” “You prince,” Tom said. “I didn’t say I was proud of myself.” “How did it work out?” Tom asked. “Preston stormed off in a huff. He’s pretty stupid already, but drunk he forgets how to add and subtract.” “Did Melanie need consoling?” “No, damn it all. She just needed weed.” “Do you know what ‘co-dependant’ means?” Tom asked. “No. That’s psych major stuff. I’m a sociology major.” “Do you know what ‘doormat’ means?” “If you’re going to call me names you need to give me another drink.” Tom refilled their glasses. “You should charge Melanie for the weed.” “And engage in base commerce? Heavens no. I am a professional. Besides, she’s fun. And what else am I going to do? Nancy already went home.” “Nancy?” Tom asked. “Nancy Fargo. My Nancy. Not your Nancy.” “I didn’t know you and Dr. Fargo were seeing each other.” “We’re not, really. More of a booty call kind of thing,” Mark said. “Got it. Who were you referring to when you said my Nancy?” “Nancy Corcoran.” “Why is she my Nancy?” “Because Eve says you guys sneak out of town to do the big nasty sometimes.” “How do you keep up with all of this stuff? How do you have any time to study?” Tom asked. “Don’t complain to me if you’re out of the loop, Tom. I need to go get something to eat to soak up all this bourbon you made me drink.” He swallowed the rest of his drink. “The dining halls are all closed.” “Maybe Melanie would like to go to Burger King.” “And then smoke more of your weed?” “No, we’d smoke before Burger King. It enhances the whole BK experience.” “Have fun.” “Thank you for the bourbon, Tom. I enjoy our little chats.” “Bye, Mark.” Mark left. Tom looked at the clock. It had been about 45 minutes since he’d left Samantha in front of the Theta house. It was just after two. He pulled The Collected Poems of Robert W. Service off the shelf and flipped to “The Cremation of Sam McGee,” although he knew it by heart. Who else in the world would have connected the dots between his relationship with Alice and this poem? She was jammed with ice, but I saw in a trice she was called the Alice May. Samantha had asked whether he was inclined to introduce Alice to her. He realized he wasn’t. Why? Because he didn’t want them to be friends? Because Alice would grill him about his feelings for Samantha and there was no way to answer honestly? Because he still thought about Samantha all the time, even at exceedingly inappropriate times? No, it was because he was still in love with Samantha, in a way that he probably wasn’t going to ever be with Alice. Damn. He refilled his glass but resolved it was his last one. He heard the elevator bell ring, but then didn’t hear anyone in the hall. So not Samantha. Maybe Mark and Melanie going out. He flipped through the book. Dresden. A gaunt and hairy man with wolfish eyes. The Ballad of Bessie’s Boil. He shelved the book and took out Yeats, but it fell open to The Gift of Harun al Rasheed, which was too much Nancy, so he put that back, too, and took out Dylan Thomas. The elevator bell rang again. It had to be Samantha, so he swallowed off his drink and listened for footsteps, but none came. Oh, well. The force that through the green fuse drives the flower drives my soul. Actually, what I’m thinking is more Tennyson. Break, break, break upon thy cold grey rocks o sea. He refilled his glass. Wasn’t the last one supposed to be the last one? He took the glasses Mark and Laurie had used to the kitchen and rinsed them out. While the water was running the elevator rang and Samantha came into the room, but he didn’t hear. She watched him as he dried the glasses with a dish towel. When he turned around he was so startled to see her he almost dropped the glasses. “Hi, baby,” she said, coming to him and wrapping her arms around him. He hugged her back, one empty glass in each hand. After hugging him for a minute she pulled back a little and looked at him with a resigned smile. He hissed her deeply and she went right along with it. After a minute, she pulled back and sighed. “I guess we have to decide what we’re doing, huh?” “I guess so,” he said. “You taste like whiskey. What are you drinking?” “George Dickel.” She took one of the glasses from him, opened the freezer, filled the glass with ice cubes. “Show me your room,” she said. She led the way as though she knew which one was his. When she got there she looked around. Less space, more bookshelves than the last one. “This is the large single in this suite?” She held out her class. He uncorked the bottle and poured her a few fingers, then gave himself some. “Yes. Even still, there’s not enough room for another chair.” “Let’s sit down and talk this through,” she said. He sat on the edge of his bed, she sat in the desk chair. “You look good,” she said. “You look perfect,” he said. “That’s so sweet. So, baby, I’m still trying to figure out how this is all your fault, but I guess it’s not.” “I’m not sure what to say, here.” “Are you trying to tell me you’re not still in love with me?” she asked. He thought. “No, I’m not trying to tell you that.” “Thank you, baby.” “How could you tell?” “We both relaxed into the hug like we belonged in it, but then you did this thing where you breathed in really deep a couple of times.” “Okay.” “Wasn’t that because you like the way I smell?” He thought for a few seconds. “Yeah,” he said. It was drawn out, a confession. “See, I’m that way about having your arms around me. It just kind of makes everything else go away.” “That’s so sweet.” “And then you didn’t want to introduce me to her.” “Yeah, I was thinking about that.” “So what do we do? We belong together but we’re with other people,” she said, hoping he’d just go with the flow. “I don’t know, sweetie. Do we?” Aw, dammit, he was going to have to work through this. “Yes, baby, we do. You saw it at the time. I couldn’t bring myself to admit it because I was afraid and worried about other people. But I'll never will stop thinking about you. Let’s make up for lost time.” Tom thought. “I love you, and always will, but sweetie, that’s not where we are. Not where I am, anyway.” “Tell me.” “I fell in love with you hard. And when you dropped me it broke my heart. I’ll always love you, but it took a long time to recover from that. I love you, but I’m a little leery, too,” Tom said. “You have every right to be, baby.” “There's this other thing, too. I’ve gone out with too many girls since we split, but Alice is the first one wanted to be my girlfriend. No matter how nice a woman is to you in private, it kind of hurts your feelings if she won't hold your hand in public. The girls I date don’t seem to get this, but it’s one thing to have sex, it’s something else entirely for the girl to be happy to be with you, to be seen with you, to be coupled up. Alice is happy to be with me. I just don’t get that much. And I like it, now that it’s here.” “I’ll drop Hank. I promise. I’ll introduce you to my parents, and friends.” “But you already didn’t. I’m the boy everybody’s ashamed to be seen in public with.” He frowned because he didn’t like his own sentence construction. “I’m not ashamed of you, baby.” “But you were. You made me promise not to touch you when we went outside.” “I’m so sorry sweetie. But that wasn’t shame,” she said. “What was it?” Oh, Jesus. She thought she’d come over and everything would be okay and they’d make up. Oh, no. “Honey, I loved you. I still love you. But Mommy and Daddy had just learned that Daddy is going to die. Much as I love you, I just couldn’t add one more thing to their stack of things to worry about. I’m so sorry. I know I hurt you.” Samantha put her drink down on the desk. Tom swallowed half of his. “You did. Worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” This was not going well, but part of her was glad losing her was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. She had been important to him. Tom stared at the floor. “Let’s get back together,” she said. “In secret?” “I’ll take it if it’s the best I can do, but no. Let me take you in.” “Part of me would love nothing better.” “I like that part,” she said. “But, honey, that’s not where we are.” “Where are we?” “You dumped me, I wandered around, and I found this really nice girl who really likes me,” he said. “Alice May?” “Yes. Who else would we be talking about?” “Nobody, I guess,” Samantha said. Not the time to bring up Nancy. “So, I have somebody. I’ve always wanted somebody.” Oh, heavens. “Sweetie, you can have me. I want to be yours.” “I’m sorry. I’m not getting to what I want to say. Maybe it’s the bourbon.” “What do you want to say?” “I will always be in love with you. You’re wonderful, perfect. But I can’t just run off with you. I’m with Alice. She’s been nothing but sweet to me. She called me up for our first date, and has been nice and cooperative and fun and has given me no reason to break up with her.” “Oh, baby.” “What have I got wrong?” She thought for a few seconds, kicking her feet. “I came over here thinking I was going to scold you about dating Nancy,” she said. “How’s Nancy?” “She’s good. She’s gone on back to Louisville, I guess.” Samantha looked at the floor for a few seconds. “I can’t do this, sweetheart,” he said. “Oh, baby.” “Sweetie, I love you, but I can’t treat Alice like she doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t be right. She’s my girlfriend.” “I’d like to be your girlfriend.” “I really, hate to say it, but I’m sorry. You got here too late. I still think about you every day, but I have a girlfriend. I can’t toss her aside when somebody new shows up.” “Sweetie.” “What?” “We belong together.” “Then why ware you wearing an engagement ring from somebody else?” “I made a mistake.” “We all do.” “I’m sorry I hurt you.” “Got it, thanks.” “So you’re not presently willing to drop Alice May to pick back up with me?” “I guess not.” “I’m also available in a side girl package,” she said. “What?” “Oh, baby. I thought I was going to swoop over here and you'd remember how good we were together and this would all just work out.” “But I have Alice.” “But we belong together.” “She’s my girlfriend. She likes me. We do stuff together. In public. I know her friends. I like being that guy. I really, really wanted to be that guy for you. I am that guy to Alice.” She leaned over and patted him on the knee, with a glum kind of smile. “I’ve known all along that I made a mistake. I’m never going to feel about Hank the way I do about you. But he’s there, and he’s been a part of our lives since I was a little girl. I know that doesn’t matter for us, in a way, but not disrupting things was important there, for a while. I always thought in the back of my mind there was a chance for us, somehow, you know?” “Sweetie, everything in the world reminds me of you. But following that impulse just wouldn’t be right. It wouldn’t be fair. I don’t like it when other people treat me like I don’t matter, and I’m not doing that to somebody else.” She nodded, took a deep breath, and blew it out in a way that puffed out her cheeks. She patted his knee again. “You said Nancy’s headed back to Louisville?” “Yeah. She told me about you two.” “She’s a great girl. It just wasn’t going to work out.” Samantha nodded again. “I don’t know what else to say, baby. I’ve been so caught up in my problems I never looked at it from anybody else’s perspective, I guess. It didn’t occur to me that I’d be asking you to be mean to somebody else.” “You have a lot on your mind. But here’s another thing. You’re the most wonderful girl in the world. It worries me that you’re with Hank if you’re not thrilled to be his. You deserve somebody you really like, want to be with. You deserve the best. And think about that from his point of view. Would he like being with a girl who wasn’t keen on him? I’m no Hank fan, but doesn’t everybody deserve a partner who wants to be with them?” She nodded silently. “I’m just thinking about Daddy and me,” she said, after a few seconds. “That’s all I’ve bothered to think through. But you’re right. Being nice to him really isn’t being nice to him, is it” “You’re a very nice person.” “Well, fiddle-de-dee,” she said. He heard the elevator ring in the hall. Must be Mark, coming back from Burger King. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to lecture you so much,” he said. “If you don’t have the right to talk to me about this stuff, who would?” she asked. She knew she was going to have to say goodbye, but wanted to stand and give him a hug before she went. They heard notion in the hall and looked up as Alice May got to the door. “Hello, sweetheart,” Tom said, standing, surprised. “You must be the girlfriend he’s been telling me about,” Samantha said, standing and extending her hand. Her eyes were teary but they hadn’t yet rolled out of her eyes. Both women smiled at each other and shook hands. “I’m Samantha Hale,” she said. “Alice May Gamble.” “All right, I guess I’ll be going. Nice to meet you Alice May. Nice talking to you, Tom. I’ll hope to see both of you later. Bye-bye.” She took her leave. “Hey,” Tom said. Had he just said no to Samantha? “Hi,” said Alice. “Who was she?” “Samantha is a theater friend from a hear or so ago. I bumped into her after lunch.” She was the most wonderful ... stop. “She’s pretty.” “That she is. Not in your league, but okay.” Alice knew he was flattering her but didn’t argue. She sat down on the bed next to him, looking unhappy. “What’s up, sweetheart?” he asked. They lay down together and she immediately snuggled up underneath his left arm, facing him. Tom was trying not to think about Samantha. “I’m done with exams,” she said, glumly. “Well, that’s good,” he said. He was a little surprised she was done so early in the week. He should have asked more questions. “No, it’s not,” she said. “What’s wrong?” “Mother says I have to be back home tomorrow night. There’s a thing I have to go to. Mrs. Pearson will be very upset if I’m not there.” “Ah, too bad.” “I really wanted to stick around here for a few days and finish the checklist before I went home,” she said. He laughed briefly. She was silent for a minute or two. “It’s too bad, but it’s not the end of the world,” Tom said. She paused and put her arm around him “Yeah, but tonight is kind of it for us,” she said. “The end of the road.” “Surely there’s some way we can see each other over the summer,” he said. “Not really,” she said. “I’m being presented this year. I’m going to have something to do every night and a lot of the days. If you came up I wouldn’t have any time to see you and I wouldn’t want to make you feel awkward about waiting around for me. You and I, we don’t make each other wait. Your feelings would be hurt.” “And you don’t need a date for any of the parties?” he asked. “Well, yeah, but the escorts are all arranged,” she said. “They’re taken from this list of eligible young men from Cincinnati. If a girl happens to be dating a guy on the list, thy can go together, but otherwise you’re just kinda thrown together.” “And next year?” he asked. “We’re going to be off in different places. I mean, I figured this was going to have to end some day, but I just thought I had a little more time with you,” she said. They lay there in silence for a few minutes. He wanted another drink. Tommy boy, damned if you haven’t done it to yourself again. I am the wound and the knife! I am the blow and the cheek! I am the limbs and the wheel, The victim and the executioner. Okay, Samantha. I thought this girl might do the trick. Young, enthusiastic, always chipper. Up until just seconds ago she always seemed devoted, too. And I thought maybe she’d stick with me because I was her first man, just like you felt you had to stick with Hank. She always seemed to want more, always wanted to spend as much time together as possible, until snip! just like that the cord is severed and I am adrift and alone again. And what I feel towards Alice May, the girl who I thought might cremate the memory of you but who has just dumped me perfunctorily, is not a tragic sense of loss, not a painful wound of impending separation, but a sense of having been unfairly treated, a sense of being someone who’s too easily left behind, so it wasn’t really like it was with you at all, was it? It wasn’t even as good as it was with Nan, because even though she, too, said no, we both had a sense that a lot could have happened there if one itsy-bitsy little thing had been different. But here I am, not crying because I’m losing Alice but talking in my head to you. What an idiot. Yeah, idiot. Think this through. Right now, Samantha, the most perfect woman in the world, is walking down the street because you just said no to her because you thought Alice loved you. Dammit all. Wait. That means... “Wait. So you’re breaking up with me?” Tom asked. “Well, that’s not the way I’d put it.” “You’re going to stop seeing me?” “We’ve still got tonight. I thought we could, you know.” “But then you’d saddle up tomorrow and ride off into the sunset and we’re done?” “Sort of.” “I think we need to make a clean break of it. Sorry. Don’t mean to be abrupt, but if we’re breaking it off, let’s be done with it.” “I’d really like one more night together. I really do like you so much.” “No, sweetheart, that wouldn’t be fair. If you’re going to amputate a limb, you don’t do it an inch at a time. Let’s be done. Sorry, you’ve been great, but let’s be done.” “I don’t know why you’re being like this.” “You’re breaking up with me, right?” “Not really. I mean, it's just over. No more time for us,” she said. “And you understand that I have thought all along that we had a future together, right?” “It’s just not going to work out. Can’t you see?” she asked, unhappily. “What I see is that if you don’t want to try, it can’t possibly work, and if you don’t want to try, I don’t want to waste time on a long goodbye. Thanks, you’ve been great, let’s get this over with.” “I guess I can see why you’d be mad. But I had a special thing I wanted to do. A checklist thing,” she said, coyly. “Honey.” “So I can’t talk you into one more night for old times’ sake?” “I really don’t want to make love to a girl who just told me she was dumping me.” “You’re not the user they say you are.” “Yeah, I get that a lot. Come on, honey.” He stood and extended his hand. She stood and he led her by the hand to the elevator. He pushed the button. “Why are you mad at me?” “I’m not mad, honey, but if you knew you weren’t going to want to keep me, you should have let me know. This has turned into another chapter a story I know pretty well and don’t like much.” The elevator got there. He kissed her on the cheek. “Thanks for everything. It’s been fun,” he said. “Golly. OK. Bye,” she said, unhappily. The doors closed. Tom returned to his room and looked out the window down at the street. No sign of either one. He swallowed off what remained of his drink and returned to the window. No sign. He turned and finished what was left of Samantha’s drink. Alice May emerged from the front of his dorm and turned left towards her sorority house rather than straight, towards her dorm. He took a swallow of bourbon straight from the bottle and dashed back to the elevator, pressing the button hurriedly. He got to the ground floor without anyone else getting on, then he sprinted to the front door and down the street to where Samantha had been parked. Her car was still there, so he slowed down a little, but then it started to move. He sprinted up to it, yelling her name, getting there just as the car pulled into the traffic lane. He pounded on the trunk lid with both fists, which caused her to slam on the brakes at the unexpected sound, then the sudden stop made him collide with the back of her car at a sprint, slamming him into the trunk and smacking his face hard on the rear window. The screech of the brakes and the loud noise of him slamming into the car made several bystanders stop and look, worried. He didn’t seem to be injured. A little dazed by the collision, maybe. Samantha put the car in park and got out hurriedly to see what was happening. He was clinging to the car, afraid it would move again, worried he’d broken a rib. She smiled when she recognized him and bent over him, close enough that she could speak softly. “Something you wanted to say, baby?” she asked. “Alice dumped me.” “So I can have you now?” “Not in secret.” She pulled him to his feet and gave him a hug. “Well, get in, then,” she said, happily. Her eyes were red and her face was streaked with tears. “One last thing.” “Okay.” “I love you and really do think you’re perfect, but you really did hurt my feelings.” “I know, baby. I’m sorry. Let’s go. We have a lot to get done. And thank you for running me down. So to speak. I was feeling pretty miserable.” “Can’t have that.” “Come on.” They got up from the back of the car and got in, him in the passenger seat. She looked at him and smiled when they were buckled in, then looked at the road, then looked at him again and smiled again, then made as if to shift into drive, then didn’t and looked at him again. “What?” he asked. “I’m doing what I do, and maybe I shouldn’t.” “What are you doing?” “I’m being cool, calm, and collected. Sassy and spunky.” There was a deodorant reference in there, but Tom didn’t bring it up. “Sounds like you.” Tom was aware that they were blocking traffic, or would be if there were any traffic. “I’m glad I had something funny to say when I found you on the back of Daddy’s car, but baby, I was so glad you were there, and I’m so glad you did that, and I don’t know if you’re blue because Alice May dumped you, but I’m so happy you’re giving me another chance and I won’t ever make you sorry you did. Baby.” “That’s sweet.” “Thank you.” “We’re blocking traffic.” “So?” “I love you, but it really did hurt my feelings to be a secret.” “Okay. I can be sensible about that.” She put the car in gear and moved into traffic lanes. “Where are we going?” he asked. “My house.” “Where your mom and dad live?” “Yep. And I have no idea how this is going to go. Tragedy, comedy, got no idea. You’re good at theater, we’ll just improvise.” “Sweetheart!” “Look, honey. Walking back to the car after meeting Alice May was really, really, solidly awful. You don’t know the half of why.” “Things are unfolding rapidly.” “You think? Here’s the deal. I have to keep you.” “I need that.” “I don’t want Hank, I don’t care if it pisses of Mommy, I hope it doesn’t kill Daddy and I don’t think it will but all those things you said are true.” “What did I say?” “You said that I deserved better than Hank, and Hank deserved better than me. And that losing me was the worst thing that had ever happened to you.” “It was.” “We’re in a funny place. But we gotta forge ahead.” “I’m game, and as fate would have it, I’m at loose ends, but what are we going to do?” She stopped the car in the middle of the street and looked at him. “I just want to be with you.” “Sounds good.” A few minutes later she spoke without stopping the car. “Didn’t you propose to me once?” “I did.” “Is it okay if I tell Mommy?” “Sure.”