Legal System Relieved to Return to Normalcy

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The American legal system breathed a sigh of relief as word was released that things can now return to normal. "This has been a big few weeks for us," the legal system said. "Dismissing chargges against the Duke boys showed that we police rogue prosecuters. Hell, [Duke lacrosse prosecutor Mike] Nifong is on trial right now to save his law license. That was a nice touch, if I do say so myself." The legal system went on to explain that the recent sentencing of Lewis "Scooter" Libby to thirty months, as well as a Los Angeles Superior Court judge's insistence that Paris Hilton return to jail to complete her sentence "proved that the rich and powerful aren't exempt from the rules. This wipes that O.J and Robert Blake taste right out of people's mouths," said the legal system. "Judges are tough, and everybody can see that now." The judicial system complimented Justice Anton Scalia for coming up with the idea.

Public confidence having been restored, the judicial system said that things could now return to normal. "We don't really have the budget to keep this kind of thing up for long," said the legal system. "We arranged these results by adopting special emergency guidelines for the administration of superior and district courts. We've diverted a lor of resources from other places, and we just can't do that long term." Expected consequences of returning to normal legal procedures include a resumption of unfair privileges for the rich, disproportionate prosecution of the poor, judges falling asleep during trials, and excessive verdicts in civil cases. "But hey--you can't say we didn't make our point," said the legal system.

William Jefferson could not be reached for comment.